Plan 9 from Outer Space

1956

Genre: who knows?

Written and Directed by Ed Wood

Rereleased by Payless Entertainment

Black & White

Reviewer: Bob Estreich

Widely believed to be the worst film ever made, Ed Wood’s Plan 9 shows just what sort of film you can make when you drop all the nonessentials like acting, sensible script and continuity.

"Can your heart stand the shocking facts about Graverobbers from Outer Space?"

The plot is simple. Aliens want to tell the leaders of earth to stop building bigger bombs before they inadvertently blow up the universe. They are finding it hard to get the message across, because Earth people keep killing their representatives then denying or hiding their existence. Plan 9 proposes to resurrect the dead so they can’t be killed again. Armies of the dead will march on world capitals and deliver their demands. For some reason, they choose to start their campaign in a little out of the way town outside Hollywood.

The first victim of the aliens is a local woman, played by actress (and I use the term lightly) Maila Nurmi, stage name Vampira. This poor lady is doomed to wander the local cemetery at night, arms oustretched in some sort of zombie parody. Apart from this she doesn’t do much to help the movie. This is a pity because its going to need all the help it can get.

“the flowers that she had planted with her own hands became nothing more than the lost roses of her cheeks”. Yes, this is an example of the narration.

The next victim is her husband, played (briefly) by Bela Lugosi. Unfortunately he died (of shame?) before the filming was complete, so his role was supposedly taken over by Tom Mason, a somewhat taller friend of the producer. To hide the differences, the later actor covered his face with his cloak and walked around in a sort of embarrassed pseudo-vampire fashion.

The next one was a Police Inspector played by Tor Johnson, a rather large man, whose resurrected form seemed incapable of losing the shocked look on his face (he probably just realized how bad this film was going to be).

“Inspector Clay is dead...murdered...and somebody's responsible!".

According to the DVD cover, the aliens are “unspeakable horrors”. They look more normal than any of the previous three. The alien commander is the improbably named Dudley Manlove, and Tanna, his female second in command is played by Joanna Lee.

“Modern women!” “Yeah, they've been like that all down through the ages.”

Now for the scenery. No expense was spent to make the scenery look realistic. The graveyard is someone’s back lawn with wooden crosses stuck in it at random. Sometimes it is just grass matting stuck over the studio floor, which shows through in places. The crypt is an outdoor toolshed with cardboard crenellations stuck around the top of the rainwater guttering.

The aircraft is almost square in section. The controls, which the pilots are barely game to touch, are semicircular wooden cutouts. One of the pilots carries a handbag. No, not a briefcase, a handbag.

“A flying saucer? You mean the kind from up there?”

”Yeah, either that or its counterpart.”

The spaceship is a classic. Rather than the traditional cylinder, or the flattened saucer shape shown in the aerial shots (actually a street light, or plates glued together), this one is tall and has outside corners, square windows, and curtains. The control equipment is set on wooden tables that appear to date from the 1920s. There are no obvious engines, fins or steering equipment. In spite of these problems the spaceship is described as “like a cigar”.

“Atmospheric conditions in outer space often interfere with transmitting”. Atmosphere in outer space?

It is in continuity that the film excels. The graveyard scenes are at night, yet the police cars that attend are always racing through broad daylight. They must go a long way, because it is night again by the time they arrive. This could explain why they also change models along the way. The flying saucers change shape regularly. When they land, the engine noises always cut out before the saucer is on the ground. The last fifty feet of the landing must be rough. They emit a bright glow when hidden behind trees, but are not lit when the police arrive.

How did a film like this come about? Director Ed Wood made his first film in 1953, Glen or Glenda, about a sex-change operation. In this he revealed the trademarks his work was to become known for – incomprehensible plots, weird, cheap sets, and a total lack of talent. He had no training whatever, but that didn’t stop him from taking on the multiple roles of writer, producer and director. Money was raised from whatever source was available. Plan 9 was financed by his landlord’s local Baptist Church. About the best that can be said about the film is that it was cheap. Wood’s alcohol problems grew worse, and by the sixties he was reduced to producing porn films. Eventually even these failed and during the seventies he wrote transvestite porno paperbacks, until his death in 1978. In the early 80s he was rediscovered and given his reputation as the Worst Producer of All Time, even being the subject of a Tim Burton film.

The most unbelievable part of this film is that since then it has been in almost constant release, due to its cult status, and Ed Wood gained the recognition after his death that he never got during his life. My copy came from a discount shop for around $5. That’s the cheapest laugh you will get on DVD. There was even a computer game based on the film. Get some beer and a few friends and sit down and pick holes in the film.

The final word goes to Criswell, a “psychic” who narrates the film.

“My friend, you have seen this incident, based on sworn testimony. Can you prove that it didn't happen?”

This review will appear in Volume 2 No.3 (2009) of the digital and print edition of Synergy Magazine.

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