Megapython vs Gatoroid

Horror / Comedy

The Asylum

Pinnacle Films

R4 DVD

Once again The Asylum gives us a creature feature that is cheesy schlock but is also very very funny. “Mockbusters” are a speciality of The Asylum and they have perfected their style to match Roger Corman’s productions.

A group of animal liberationist loonies have broken into a lab and stolen a nest of snakes which they have released into the Everglades. The snakes do well, and the Everglades are being menaced by huge snakes that are cutting into the population of alligators and rednecks. Park Ranger Terry O’Hara (ex-singer Tiffany) is becoming increasingly concerned about the declining numbers of alligators. She is being harassed by the group of animal rights activists led by Dr Nikki Riley (another ex-singer Debbie Gibson). Riley does not seem too concerned about the declining numbers of rednecks either. When her fiancée is killed and eaten by a giant python O”Hara starts to become irrational. She decides that since the alligator is the only critter almost big enough to take on the pythons, what she needs is a bigger alligator. She feeds them steroids and the gators start to grow. And grow. For six months it seems to be working and the gator numbers are recovering, but then the pythons start looking for other food sources again. The redneck population is again under threat.

O”Hara justifies tampering with the natural order as “What’s crazy about this? We’re just feeding steroids to gators. What could go wrong?”

Riley is almost as irrational as O”Hara and the two have a confrontation at a fundraising event. Riley knows about the steroids and threatens to reveal O”Hara’s plan. The two are too busy having a catfight to notice that the pythons are attacking the guests at the event.

The guests are told “Anyone with a weapon, get it out. Now.”. The entire guest group produces a range of guns and the pythons are driven off. Now the giant gators and the huge pythons attack a nearby town. In a neat bit of sly humour a dirigible bearing The Asylum on its side is brought down by a python. The ranger, the activist and a herpetologist work out a plan to lure the creatures to a quarry and there kill them before they can take out the local nuclear power station. Some of the footage looks suspiciously like it has been taken from the earlier Megacroc film, also from The Asylum. This recycling of earlier films is an old Roger Corman trick to keep costs down.

There is one vital thing missing. There are no bikini girls. These are essential to the plot of any good schlock film, and a peek down Tiffany’s blouse is no substitute. We do, however, get fairly ordinary CGI, bad acting, a crashing helicopter, and non-stop slaughter. What more could you want? Certainly we don’t get a logical plot but who cares?

There are digs at the ladies’ previous singing careers. After the bitchfight they look around and Tiffany says “There doesn’t seem to be anyone around”, words from one of her songs.

We also get a (brief) guest appearance from ex-Monkee Mickey Dolenz, but that can’t save the film because he is promptly eaten. Then, just when you think the horror is finally over, we get Tiffany singing a country-style theme song behind the titles. True horror indeed.

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