Scotty
JX Production
Web: http://www.actiongirls.com
Reviewer:
Bob Estreich
Many
years ago there was a particularly silly movie called, I think, “Sexy Girls
With Big Guns”. Nubile young ladies tottered around the shooting range in
bikinis and high heels firing ever larger guns and trying to explain seriously
why every girl needed an AK47 for personal defence. Scotty JX, the producer
behind Actiongirls, must remember that movie fondly. In Actiongirls, he has
apparently tried to remake the earlier movie but this time with a plot. Here it
is:
“Based
in the future, the world as we know it has been destroyed. Menacing gangs
ravage and loot the cities and towns searching for new members. Follow the
Actiongirls each week in their ongoing story of survival, alone and outnumbered
they must do what it takes to survive in this hostile world.”
At
this point the writer and scriptwriter went down to the pub for a beer, leaving
the movie completely without a plot, or any dialog at all. The producer,
however, did not let this hold him back.
The
story (I use the term loosely) stars three extremely well built young ladies
with about six small pieces of clothing between them. When they go looking for
the bad guys, who in Episode 1 are holed up in an abandoned factory (why not a
comfortable hotel?) it is apparently necessary for them to remove most of their
clothing before firing blanks wildly at nothing in particular. The reason for this
is not explained in the movie. The bad guys do not, however, find it necessary
to remove their clothing, so perhaps it’s a recognition thing – if it’s nude,
don’t shoot it. The gunfire would normally alert every bad guy within miles,
but the girls have a secret weapon – camouflage-pattern see-though thongs which
seems to make them invisible to bad guys. Even these have to go, eventually.
None of the girls seems able to pass a mirror or a tap without disrobing
completely and striking a pose, getting wet or renewing the coating of baby oil
on her butt cheeks, and then shooting off hundreds more rounds which still do
not attract the bad guys. This is not explained in the movie. They will stand
posing in the open for many minutes at a time while the camera lovingly
caresses every …. But you get the picture.
Sooner
or later bad guys appear and quickly get shot, thereby providing the only
attempt at acting in the entire first film. I counted seven – this is not
exactly a “menacing gang”, since all except the last one were dispatched with a
single shot each. From time to time each girl gets a different gun, generally a
larger calibre than what she had before. She will then once again strip off and
fire many blanks from her new gun at nothing in particular. Where these guns
magically appear from is not explained, but they include rocket launchers,
flamethrowers and heavy machine guns. The girls certainly didn’t carry them in
the pockets of their camo thongs.
One
rather psycho girl takes time off to chop some wood. The reason for this is not
explained. With an axe in her hand and no sense of direction, she is in more
danger of harming herself than the wood. She appears later, again with the axe,
and proceeds to torture a doll (a perfectly logical thing to find in an
abandoned factory) and some watermelons. At this point a nearby bad guy who is
unable to see her FINALLY hears a shot and jumps on his motorbike to
investigate. Unarmed. He does wheelstands and donuts up and down the road (the
reason for this is not explained) until he is finally put out of our misery by
one of the girls with a sniper rifle. After four shots. And that’s about it.
The
cover slick explains that the second movie has a bigger budget. It was mostly
used to buy baby oil. We have an all-new bunch of babes, with Sylvia Saint
again holding down the lead role. This time there is a bit more action with the
baddies, who appear to be rogue cops. Sylvia Saint has apparently dossed down
in one of the cells, and she and the police haven’t noticed each other.
Unexplained.
The
third movie now introduces Scotty JX’s obsession with military vehicles. We
have tanks, trucks and various armored vehicles. We also have a new batch of
girls applying baby oil, and the strip scenes are getting quite soft-porn. The cover
proudly boasts “No boring dialog included….” Well, I wouldn’t have noticed.
Sylvia must save the captured girls from a prison camp, where they are being
used to dig a ditch – how degrading. The movie doesn’t explain how she finds
them – she probably followed the trail of baby oil.
Scotty
JX seems to have given up on No. 4. It has absolutely no connection with the
original plot, thin though it was. This is simply a selection of strip shows in
grotty buildings, occasionally with guns. The strip scene on the top floor of a
skyscraper features a motorbike as a prop. How did it get there? Why is it
there? This is, as usual, quite unexplained. The cover really explains the
whole series – “Watch Scotty JX throw piles of money away to keep you
entertained”. If you follow my advice in the next paragraph, you’ll be too
drunk to notice anyway.
Now,
I would be the last one to suggest that this series is simply a quick skin
flick that exploits attractive women and panders to the audience’s passion for
large ti….sorry, weapons. No, I wouldn’t. Let’s face it, it’s all about tits
and guns. It’s so dreadful that it goes right past “bad” and comes out
“hilarious”. It’s no cheap production, though -
it’s beautifully filmed with quite sexy women. It’s a slick, professional
production that simply lacks the traditional movie values (like a plot, dialog
and continuity). I am reminded of a line from Monty Python’s “Time Bandits” –
“mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence…”. Wait until Saturday
afternoon, get a few mates around and a lot of beer, sit back and enjoy it.
Previews
are available at http://www.actiongirls.com/welcome.htm