Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter

Seth Grahame-Smith

Allen and Unwin 2010

This important historical work is Mr Grahame-Smith’s follow-up to Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. In this book he examines the hidden motivations behind Lincoln’s run for Presidency and the almost immediate American Civil War. They were not fighting over the secession of the southern states from the Union, nor was it about the emancipation of the slaves. It was about vampires.

Lincoln had early experience with the vampires who had come to the New World to escape persecution in Europe. In the United States they found a ready source of food for their bloody habits in the slavery practiced mostly in the South. Their influence grew and as the Abolitionist movement also grew there was bound to be conflict in the end. Lincoln was enlisted to the anti-vampire cause in his younger years and travelled the country bringing death to as vampires as possible. Mr Grahame-Smith’s additions to the standard history of Lincoln show that Abe was dedicated in his work and hated vampires with a passion.

I hereby resolve to kill every vampire in America

As his work continued he drew the attention of vampires and his own life was placed in some risk as well.

Thomas stood aghast. “Look what you’ve done” he said after a sickened silence. “You’ve killed us”

“On the contrary, I’ve killed him.”

“More will come”

Abe had already begun to walk away.

“Then I shall need more stakes”.

Lincoln was particularly offended by the vampires’ habit of taking sleeping children (one of his own children was later to be killed by vampires) and by the dreadful way the southern planters would prey on their Negro “food”. Their actions were completely outside the law as Negroes were regarded as property, not people, and so Lincoln became a passionate speaker for rights for Negroes.

To remove the growing political and practical power of vampires in the south Lincoln had no choice but to plunge America into Civil War.

This book, based on Lincoln’s secret diaries, sheds new light on Lincoln’s actions.

Or that’s the theory. Seth Grahame-Smith has integrated vampires seamlessly into what looks like a standard dull work. He follows closely the writing style of the original book as he completely changes Lincoln’s history to one far more interesting if completely untrue. He introduces little comic notes into the otherwise serious story and he has produced a parody that completely twists Lincoln and his place in history. Yet he makes it all so plausible. He is helped by the carefully doctored illustrations. Even the cover illustrations become part of the reworked plot. American history can never be the same again.

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This review will appear in Volume 3 No. 3 of the digital and print edition of Synergy Magazine.

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