The Vampires of Bloody Island

Wibbell Productions

R2 DVD

Pamela Kempthorne and her husband Allin wrote and star in campy and low-budget so-bad-it-is-good British vampire comedy The Vampires of Bloody Island. This is a film which is obviously a work of love and has clearly taken a lot of dedication to make, it may be an indie low budget film but that shouldn’t put you off. It has a great sense of humour and while it isn’t perfect is bloody good fun.

It is a film influenced by the old Hammer horror titles of the Seventies mixed with all sorts of weird and strange characters and lots of exploding vampires. The dialogue is witty, the acting reasonable and the look of the film is actually rather impressive for a movie made on a low budget.

There is an island off the South coast of Cornwall, called Bloody Island. In the nearby village of Bloody Bay the fearful inhabitants never speak it's name, yet as they glance across the bay each night, they lock their doors, say their prayers and hang out fresh protective strings of garlic. For Bloody Island is an evil place. Yes, Bloody Island is the home to vampires and werewolves... and virgins!

In a crumbling castle clinging to the islands jagged rocks, the Vampire noblewoman Morticia de'Ath, and her henchman, a rebuilt corpse named Grunt, are concocting a sinister plan. Aided by the misguided alchemist, Doctor N. Sane, Morticia aims to discover the magical cure to finally enable all vampires to be immune from the fatal touch of sunlight!

However, one essential ingredient remains missing, an ingredient only available from an innocent, unknowing and not very popular office girl living in faraway London, Susan Swallows.

Morticia orders the long-suffering Grunt to lure Susan and her chauvinistic work-mate Kevin Smallcock, to Bloody Island. On their journey via the deeply superstitious village of Bloody Bay and an ancient Cornish stone circle, the 'Devil's Lookout', Susan becomes increasingly unnerved by the bizarre characters they encounter and the growing sense that her own past and identity are not as she had previously thought.

Meanwhile, across the water on Bloody Island, Morticia and Grunt are preparing a demonic dinner party to ensnare their unwitting guests, unaware of a man about to cross their paths, lay waste to Morticia's evil plans (hopefully) and make heroes of Kevin and Susan (crossed fingers!) Professor Hans Van Rental, ex-window cleaner and fearless vampire hunter.

The resulting mayhem involves a heavily one-sided pitched battle, with Morticia's well armoured one hundred strong vampire army set against Susan, Kevin and the Professor. It is a battle, not only for the eternal safety of all humankind, but also some very important personal issues for Susan.

If you like your horror coupled with laughs, if you miss the old British low-budget vampire films of the Hammer days, if you want to see the film that is already being hailed as a "cult classic", then you will very much enjoy The Vampires of Bloody Island.

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This review will appear in Volume 3 No.2 of the digital and print edition of Synergy Magazine.

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