Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

By Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith

Quirk Books (2009)

Reviewer: Bob Estreich

“The Classic Regency Romance – now with Ultraviolent Zombie Mayhem”

Hands up all those who had to read “classic” English novels like Pride and Prejudice in school? Hands down if you thought they were boring pieces of stilted class-ridden rubbish about people who didn’t matter, and with plots where nothing much ever happened? Not many hands left now. This book is for the rest of you.

Oddly enough zombies weren’t talked about much in Jane Austen’s time. Polite people didn’t mention them and even in this rewrite they are still called “unmentionables”. Had she been able to include zombies I am sure this is what her book would have looked like, and it would have been much more interesting. As it is, we owe it to Seth Grahame-Smith for giving us this updated and certainly more zombie-filled version.

He promises us “Now with 30% more zombies” then sets out to deliver. England has a zombie plague and the genteel rich must fight or die. Mr Bennet has taught his daughters sufficient fighting skills for them to survive, including training in Eastern martial arts. His eldest daughter Elizabeth is one of the best. Mrs Bennet is more concerned with getting her girls good husbands. One of the most likely prospects, Mr Darcy, seems uninterested in her daughters or the sisters of his friend Mr Bingley, but he can still appreciate the Bennet girls’ fighting skills.

“Spoken like one who has never known the ecstasy of holding a still-beating heart in her hand” says Darcy of Miss Bingley, a girl who has set out to catch him but has no fighting skills at all. He also points out that “...the glow of the fire casts quite a revealing silhouette against the fabric of your gown”.

While the original book was a round of social visits, the new version makes doingthe social rounds dangerous. To visit a neighbour one must run the gauntlet of the local zombies and visiting is not something to be undertaken lightly. The girls are constantly having to adjust their clothing to remove body parts and bits of zombie from their gowns. Occasionally the zombies grow bold and attack the houses.

“It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains."

Life continues as the attraction between Elizabeth and Darcy grows, fades and grows again interspersed with zombies, ninjas, misunderstandings and white phosphorus. Their affection for each other is shown through the fighting techniques they use – it is becoming a battle of wills and skills between them, not a battle to the death.

Along the way we are treated to old English customs like the Burning Grounds, a place where captured zombies are incinerated.

“the cages were hoisted off with a large mechanical device, and swung over the flames. Elizabeth could not help but feel a sense of joy as she watched cage after cage of zombies burn – heard their terrible shrieks as the fire (which they feared above all else) licked at their feet, then ignited the whole of their putrid flesh....”

The Bennet family goes through many trials in the course of the book. These culminate in a showdown between Elizabeth with her oriental martial arts training and Lady Catherine, Darcy’s aunt, with her ninja techniques. Lady Catherine disapproves of Darcy’s and Elizabeth’s closeness. She would prefer Darcy to marry her daughter. Elizabeth wins the battle and politely refrains from beheading Lady Catherine, as social custom would allow, but she now has a powerful enemy. Eventually, though, it all settles down, Elizabeth and Darcy are married, and England is kept safe from the zombies by the sword and the secrets of Shaolin.

As is appropriate with all good classic texts there is a short section of discussion topics like “Some critics have suggested that the zombies represent the authors’ views toward marriage – an endless curse that sucks the life out of you and just won’t die. Do you agree, or do you have another opinion about the symbolism of the unmentionables?”

This book reached a well-deserved No. 3 on the New York Times best-seller list. Although unconfirmed, it is rumoured that Grahame-Smith’s next books will be Abraham Lincoln – Vampire Hunter and Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters. I can hardly wait.

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This review will appear in Volume 3 No.1 of the digital and print edition of Synergy Magazine.

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