Abducted by the Daleks

Abducted by The Daleks

Now renamed Abducted by the Daloids

Teraz Films

All Region DVD

This hilarious spoof is a tits-out take-off of Doctor Who’s worst enemies. It was called Abducted by the Daleks until the BBC and the estate of Dalek inventor Terry Nation took exception to the name and threatened legal action. Although it is unmistakeably British, it has been disguised to look more European by giving the actresses European-sounding names. Even the crew get into the act with the writer credited as being “Billy Hartnell” (William Hartnell played the first Doctor Who) and I suspect “Patrick Baker” is a homage to two other Doctors, Patrick Troughton and Tom Baker. Producer “Don Skaro” is better known as Trevor Barley or Roman Nowicki, but the planet Skaro is known to Doctor Who fans as the Daleks’ home planet. The disguise doesn’t fool anyone as the British accents keep slipping in.

The plot is about as basic as they come. A group of disco dollies on their way to a night club hit an alien on a lonely road in the middle of the forest. Now their car won’t start. There is a serial killer known to be lurking in the forest. He skins his victims alive. Faced with this, would you a) stay in the car or b) walk along the road hoping someone will come past and help you or c) strike off into the forest in your high heels and brief dresses, in search of who knows what? C) of course. While going through the forest, only stopping to strike an occasional pose, most of the girls lose their clothing for one reason or another.

They are being watched by the Daleks in their spaceship and are captured and taken aboard for “interrogation”. The Daleks want to find out more about Earth people to see if they can conquer the planet. Despite numerous threats that the girls will be exterminated if they don’t answer the Daleks’ question, no questions are actually asked. One girl escapes and beams back down to the planet, but her body has been taken over by the Daleks’ interrogator, a whip-cracking dominatrix. She finds herself naked in the middle of the forest in the middle of a cold night, with a serial skinner lurking somewhere. Would you a) run like hell and get away from the place or b) find clothing and a weapon or c) apply lipstick? Naturally, it’s c) again. And just as naturally the serial skinner finds her and ties her to a tree. He is about to do what serial skinners do when he is attacked and killed by another alien – the woods are full of them tonight. She escapes and goes to the local police, who seem strangely unwilling to give her any clothing or even to take her story seriously.

I would like to say the ending is startling and horrifying, but I can’t. Such an ending just wouldn’t be right for this film.

It mercilessly pinches bits from other films. Even the door in the Dalek ship opens with a Star Trek-like sound. The background sound effects come from some 50’s B-grade space movie. The special effects are awesome for their total lack of believability. At least the girls are quite attractive, and you get to see a lot of them. The costume department must have drunk the budget.

But wait, there’s more. The DVD also has an alternative version of the film with all the outtakes left in. Here we can see that the film is definitely British as the girls fluff their lines repeatedly. It has a couple of great moments like the time when the girls are handcuffed to the wall (full frontal, of course) and about to be killed by the Daleks. One girl takes her hand out of the restraint, scratches her pussy, then puts her hand back into the restraint. You won’t see that on Doctor Who. Overall it’s a great film. I haven’t laughed so much in a long time.

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This review will appear in Volume 3 No. 2 of the digital and print edition of Synergy Magazine.

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